"___, make a move. just tell her you wanna bang her."

"grain alcohol, baby! whenever there's a potential riot, i'm getting blasted on grain alcohol."

"dude, do you have a boner right now?"

"name's artemis. i have a bleached asshole."

"and you know what happens with tokyo drifting? it leads to bickering. which, of course, leads to karate."

"the acid's makin' me feel like i gotta take a dump."

"dude, i swear to god, if you try and give me a noogie, i will yank your underwear over your head so hard your asshole will rip in half."

"any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese."

[ written on a note ] "taked baby. meet at later bar, night or day sometime."

"yeah, well, you've never once seen me wash my testicles either, but that doesn't mean i don't do it every friday."

"___, i'm gonna stop you right there. first of all, your breath smells like an old lady fart passing through an onion. secondly, i know you're trying to manipulate me, and it's not going to work."

"oh, i get it. cute. you leave this pen here and people are supposed to think, 'wait, that looks like a dick'."

"well, i don't know how many years on this earth i got left. i'm gonna get real weird with it."

"here's a confession i'm in love with a man. what? i'm in love with a man. a man called god. does that make me gay? am i gay for god? you betcha!"

[ singing ] "i got the lord. i got the lord. i got the good lord, he's goin' down on me."

"i'm not asking you to do much. just turn a blind eye while i rob this place stupid."

"i'm gonna pinch their dicks with this lobster."

"wanna go get sweaty in the bathroom?"

"what is this word, spa? i feel like you're starting to a say a word and you're not finishing it. are you trying to say spaghetti? are you taking me for a spaghetti day?"

"later, boners."